Celebrating our 31st Wedding anniversary this week, has given me pause for thought. What are the factors that ensure a long and successful marriage? I’m quite stunned by just how many of these factors are similar to those of High Performing Teams.
Listening to our pastor in church this morning, he described the Biblical Marriage as one of the last remaining Covenants, that we as modern day human beings, still undertake today. It is an irrevocable, sacred agreement, between a man and woman, and united by a higher Vision, Power and Purpose – God Almighty.
This covenant is underpinned by a set of Values/Commandments, that guide the behaviors of the couple – ensuring that we have a blueprint of the relevant Christian behaviors that will encourage a loving, kind and respectful partnership that is BUILT TO LAST. It is only broken by unfaithfulness or death.
By the same token – High Performing Teams and Business Partnerships are united by a Higher, Common Vision that they strive towards. This Vision is the Guiding Light/Purpose that informs all decision making and MOTIVATES team members to work from a place of COMMITMENT and not just simply COMPLIANCE. At the same time – this team has a Set of Team Values that underpins everything that the team members say and do!
For this Marriage or Partnership to succeed OR for this team to achieve optimum results – We not only have to live and breathe these values – we have to make sure we have the best person for the job.
Instead of focusing on what our partner/ team member CANNOT do – or what our partner/team member DOES do that gets RIGHT UP OUR NOSTRILS – we can CHOOSE to focus on their strengths and allocate roles and responsibilities accordingly.
So instead of telling myself a story about my hubby – who is a “C” ( an OWL) in the Disc profile – such as “Why is he so bloody pedantic about everything and why can’t he just make a simple decision – like finding a parking spot?”
I TRY VERY HARD – it is NOT easy – But I try to reflect on the strengths of that PERSONALITY profile and the value that it adds to our marriage. “Thank God we have someone in the marriage that reads the small print in the contracts!”
(I’m still not very good at it! But – I am a work in progress)
Likewise – My hubby can choose to tell himself a story about MY PERSONALITY profile – “i” ( a Peacock) in the Disc profile – such as “Why is she so bloody impulsive? Why can’t she just stop and think this through?” He can instead say to himself – “Thank God for Jacqui – she just makes it happen!
And finally – Just like Teams – Marriages TOO go through the 4 STAGES OF TEAM FORMATION. Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing and all the way back to Forming when we have a child or Storming when we hit a crises!
Its how we help each other navigate from the one stage to the next – that determines whether we get to PERFORMING or whether we go into MOURNING – which is where we CHOOSE to exit the team or the marriage.
So here is to Teams/Partnerships and Marriages that are BUILT TO LAST.